Living in your twenties feels like constant pressure to make the right decision. Which career to follow, what class to take, where to move. You finally decide on a city to move to after college. But for how long? Two years sounds like a good plan, and then I can move? But I hate to move. Live in the city while you’re young, but it’s expensive so you could save for your future and commute in. What if I traveled for a few months? I should do that, but with what money ? I need to find a good job. The circles of thoughts and contradictions. Constantly feeling like every step is momentous.
It is a Saturday at 10:12 AM. The decision fatigue starts to stir. You are staring at your oven clock, ticking minute after minute. You think to yourself about how you feel like you might be the palest you have ever been, spending each and every day indoors working at your 9-5, or working towards your career indoors, looking at screens until your eyes force you to close your laptop. The decision is between checking an item off your list of chores, or going outside. You think to yourself, well I could get ahead for my week! Why don’t I go ahead and do one chore. But only one,and then you will go outside.
You begin cleaning, not sure if it is stress or striving for that feeling of accomplishment, but you reach a flow state. Y
Then, you pick up your head and realize I haven’t checked my phone in awhile. What if my family tried to reach me ? The lock screen reads 1:34 pm. Suddenly, you are acutely aware of how empty your stomach is. Do I cook some food before I head out? Except, you think, I did just clean the whole kitchen so why would I dirty it. I should probably bask in the fact that my kitchen is pristine right? My laundry is done and my bathroom spotless. My chores are done but I have to check my emails! How could I forget! The list of things I wrote in my planner remain unchecked. There is so much to do, I open my laptop and hunker down.
As the sun moves on, the patches on the floor of light grow smaller. It is 2:19 on a Saturday. The day is young, but now I am tired. I regret not making the decision to go outside and now know I have to eat something. I have to decide what I should eat and what to do next.
note: i wanted to write about the experience of over-thinking big and small. not sure if this is a shared feeling but it had me thinking
mfour 
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